Reminder:

NOTE TO SELF:

Talking about God and thinking about God aren't the same as spending time with God.

I LOVE LIFE!!

Ever just like sit back and realize how stinkin' blessed you are?! Well, thats happened to me alot this week. The weather has been AMAZING, perfect for taking a blanket out to the front oval and just hanging out. I love it!! But just sitting there on the amazingly plush grass for hours, having good conversations with really cool friends, thinking about life and how God is totally working in you and everything around you, its just one of the most refreshing feelings in the world!! Ahh!! I just love it!!! And then, in the evenings, great stargazing weather!! Climbing on top of the car with great friend(s), talking about God, school, home, summer, life. Its just sooo amazing!! I'm totally trying to capture all of these simple, pure moments of bliss. Enjoying the sun, the company of friends, the incredible grass in the front oval, the laughs, the jokes, the football and soccer (even if i'm horrible at it), the sounds of people, the stars, the evening breeze, the simplicity of life. Its one of those times you just wish you could freeze. Like, you love it so much, you just want everything to stay like it is. But thats impossible, so you just have to embed those moments in your heart. The simple moments of pure, unadulterated joy you know just had to have come straight from God. Those are the moments to treasure. I have no idea why I've been so blessed!! GOD ROCKS MY SOCKS!!!!!!

<3 <3 <3

"Heart"

I look around

and see a wall

standing tall.

I wish it'd fall,

but if it did

I would dwell.

Afraid it'd crack,

afraid it'd break.

What if one

were to take?

Scared of what

would happen if

this wall I've built

were to cave in.

But if it doesn't

how will I know

what its like

when love is shown?

Like fresh rain

in the desert,

what if it stops?

Was it worth

all the pain

and the hurt

that was caused

from this shower?

How I wish

I had the power

to break this wall,

watch it fall

enjoy the rain,

but be ok

when it stops.

Trust is something

I must know.

Oh how I wish

this wall would go!

(written Feb 12, 04)

So, I admit it. I do have some trust issues. Its not that I don't trust to tell people things. Thats not it at all. Its that I don't trust to really let people into my heart. I'm not talking in a romantic way by any means. I'm talking about trusting people to know the inside of you. I like to think that my life is an open book, that I would tell anyone anything if they asked, and I'm pretty sure I would. Thats not the kind of trust I'm refering to. I mean like the kind of trust when you let people start meaning things to you, when people start becoming part of you. I guess I'm afraid to let people make marks on my life. It pretty much all comes down to I'm afraid of getting hurt. I don't want my heart to hurt in any way, so I keep it at a distance.

I was even worse at this before my sophomore year of high school. That was before I met someone who somehow broke through the wall that I wasn't even aware I had built. Since, I've been working on it, but I was still worried about this when I came to school here. I had let people in at home. Certain people had become part of who I was and still am in some ways. I let myself get emotionally attached to them, and it hurt to leave. I was afraid that here at school I would allow the tall picket fence to turn back into a huge brick wall around my heart. Fortunately, that hasn't happened. There are a few that have actually wound up on the other side of the fence before I even knew it had happened. I've been trying so hard to maintain that picket fence, but this is what I'm learning: Jesus didn't have any walls around His heart. He didn't have any huge brick walls, tall picket fences, barbed wire, or even any caution tape. He let everyone go deep into His heart. He loved everyone. And He was hurt. Those He let in hurt Him dearly. But He still loved and still let them in. If I'm striving to live like that of my Savior, to imitate His life, then I've gotta be willing to let my heart get hurt. If my desire is for the things that breaks the heart of God to break my heart, then man is my heart gonna be hurtin in this world. My prayer is that God will help in this wall disintegration process. It is a really hard prayer to have because, well, I like my comfortable fence. Not too many can just sneak through (though some have). I have to allow them to come in. That must change. My heart must go out to ALL people. So thats what I'm working on. Getting over this trust issue I've been dealing with for a long time. I know that God is faithful and will help. Praise Him for His amazing faithfulness!!

How May I Bless Your Heart?...

"Knees to the Earth" by Watermark

Wonderful Savior
My heart belongs to Thee
I will remember always the blood You shed for me
Wonderful Savior
My heart will know Your worth
So I will embrace You always as I walk this earth

Be blessed, be loved, be lifted high
Be treasured here
Be glorified
I owe my life to You my Lord
Here I am

Beautiful Jesus
How may I bless Your heart?
Knees to the earth I bow down to everything You are
Beautiful Jesus
You are my only worth
So let me embrace You always as I walk this earth


Ok, so I love stargazing! I really do. Theres just something about being outside on a clear night looking up at the stars that makes you feel a certain closeness to our Father. Seeing His creation and knowing that our God loves US so much more than any of His other creation. That the Maker of the stars and moon knows OUR names, cares about US, and has a plan for OUR lives!!! That just totally blows me away!! For real!! I mean, whoever said that God is just out there and doesn't interact in our lives obviously doesn't know MY God!

Anyways, so me and Sam frequently go out to this spot on the west side (its actually a church parking lot) that has a good view of the stars. We roll down the windows, crank up the pod, climb onto the hood and pretty much just worship. Tonight we felt the need to take Josh to our spot (which turned out to be a very beneficial thing...who knew the north star was in the north?). While listening to the song above, "Knees to the Earth," (which is altogether amazing) a certain part stuck out to me>> "How may I bless Your name?" That question just echoed in my head...and it still does. How the heck am I--stupid, challenged, sinful me--suppose to BLESS God?!? What does it look like for me to bless God? Is it even possible for God, the Creator of everything, to be blessed by a me, a mere human?

Ok, so after throwing out the questions that were floating in my head, I decided to look up what the word "bless" actually meant. According to dictionary. com, "bless" means a number of things; however, I choose to only put one meaning on here. 1>> To honor as holy; glorify. At first thought, I was like, "Thats it? To glorify?" Then, I started thinking about what that really meant, and the words "Thats it?" left because that includes so much. To bless, glorify, honor as holy....all of those our God deserves and so, so much more. How can we do this? I'll share with you what God shared with me on how to bless Him:

Psalm 100 NASB
Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth,
Serve the Lord with gladness;
Come before Him with joyful singing.
Know that the Lord Himself is God;
It is He who has made us, and not we ourselves;
We are His people and the sheep of His pasture.
Enter His gates with thanksgiving
And His courts with praise.
Give thanks to Him, bless His name.
For the Lord is good;
His lovingkindness is everlasting
And His faithfulness to all generations.

Thats it. That is how we can bless God. Yeah, its not easy. But neither was dying on a cross. So, lets try to always shout joyfully to God, serve Him with gladness, come before Him singing, and enter His presence with thanksgiving and praise. You know, I love it when God teaches me things like this right after I've totally NOT been doing that. So, I've been sick the last 5 days or so, and I haven't been doing those things. I've totally not been blessing God. He like totally just gently nudged my heart and was like "Hey, are you reading what you're typing?" I love it when He points these things out. I'm constantly being refined, and let me tell you, its a LONG process.

Thank You God for revealing the desires of Your heart through Your Word!!